“Whose adorning... let it be the hidden man of the heart,
in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,
which is in the sight of God of great price.”
1 Peter 3:3, 42

Ruth looked at the fat letter in her hand. “From Grandmother! Now maybe I will find answers to some questions that have come to my mind since our wedding day.”

Ruth’s eyes became dreamy as she thought of the happiness she and Mark were enjoying. On their wedding day, she had told her grandmother, “I want our happiness to please God so He can bless us. Mark and I both want to be useful in God’s kingdom and live for His glory.” Grandmother had promised Ruth that she would write to her and share God’s plan for the wife’s place in marriage. Ruth sat down comfortably and began to read.

The first man was God’ s highest creation. God had a special place for him to fill. But He also said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2: 18). He said He would make him a helper—someone to bear and mother his children, someone to share his joys and sorrows, someone to give him comfort and encouragement.

A husband needs someone to make a home for him, prepare his meals, and care for his clothing. He needs sympathy and understanding even in his mistakes. When Mark comes home feeling discouraged and down on himself, he should find a wife who hugs him and whispers in his ear, “You’re all right!” A man needs a spiritual mate to help him to be strong and faithful in the things of the Lord.

Does your husband owe you anything? Of course, but if you focus on that, you will become miserable. Focus on what you owe him! You owe him a love above all other loves on this earth, second only to the love you have for God. Nourish and cherish this precious relationship. Put his comforts and preferences above your own.

Be a good listener. Many a chatty wife and quiet husband get along just fine, provided she pays attention when he does have something to say. Sense his needs and put forth every effort to grant them. Only if he should ask something of you that would violate the Scriptures, do you have the right before the Lord to take God’s way instead of your husband’s.

This is simply what the Bible says in the following verses:

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; . . . even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:1, 6). Peter was referring to Genesis 18:12 when Sarah made the mistake of laughing at the idea that she would ever become a mother. She had some learning to do (as we all do), but Peter kindly passed over that and pointed out that she treated her husband with respect. So should we.

“Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4–5). When women who claim to be Christians disobey their husbands, even ungodly neighbors know something is wrong!

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24). First be loyal to Christ; then be loyal to your husband. Since Mark is a godly man, one loyalty should follow the other quite naturally.

First Corinthians 11 also teaches that man is the head of the woman. The Christian woman wears a veiling over her uncut hair as a sign that she accepts the headship of man. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (11:9). God did not create woman to live for herself, but for others. In a godly home, the wife is glad she need not bear the burden of making the final decisions. She can be herself, comfortable in the role God has given her. The woman who is not willing to live a selfless life, especially for her husband, should not marry.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1). A wife has a great deal of power! She can work along with her husband, building their home, or she can block him at every turn, wrecking the home for both of them. Certainly it is right to offer Mark your ideas, but never play tug-of-war with him. This will hinder his trust in you and hurt any good influence you may have on him in the future.

“The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Proverbs 19:13). You know how irritating and wearisome it is when the roof constantly leaks. A wife who nags her husband makes him very tired and tempts him to bitterness. Pity the man who must live with a woman who is selfish, shifts blame, criticizes, points out his mistakes frequently and magnifies them, and insists on her own way.

On the other hand, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband” (Proverbs 12:4). He feels honored to be seen with her. Again, “A prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14). The man who has a good wife will say, “Thank God!”

Here are some common faults of wives I have observed:

She is not submissive to her husband, as I have already noted.

She talks too much. Is everyone else simply waiting to hear what you have to say? Probably not. “Study to be quiet” (1 Thessalonians 4:11).

She is dissatisfied with her circumstances. Could the Lord make Himself at home in your home? Then it’s good enough for you. “Be content with such things as ye have” (Hebrews 13:5).

She is given to self-pity, thinking others have it better than she does. Maybe they do—is anything wrong with that? “Let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3).

She is impatient. Sometimes, Ruth, you will understand things before your husband does. Nevertheless, “in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26). “With longsuffering, forbearing one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).

She is selfish with time, things, and schedules, and is upset with interruptions. As a child, you learned that the whole world did not revolve around you, and I trust you do not have to learn it all over again. “In honour preferring one another” (Romans 12:10). “Tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32).

She is given to sulking or exploding if things do not suit her. This is very unfitting for a woman who is filled with the Spirit of God. “The fruit of the Spirit is . . . peace, longsuffering, gentleness, . . . meekness” (Galatians 5:22–23).

She is quick to justify herself and blame her husband. But, Ruth, we all make mistakes and need to admit them. “Seeketh not her own” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

She is not a good housekeeper. Her house is untidy, cluttered, and maybe even dirty. Start with the dishes, Ruth! Get the obvious things out of the way, and after that work on other projects. “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:27).

She does not care to entertain company, especially on short notice. Why not? Oh, it’s too much work, or the house is a mess, or the people who need a meal or a place for the night are strangers to her. “Given to hospitality” (Romans 12:13).

The worst a wife can do is to tear down the godly convictions of her husband. It hurts me to think of those who rebel against the standards their husbands desire to uphold in their homes and to see lived out in the children. How different the world would be if every wife who professes to be a child of God would deserve the commendation, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (Proverbs 31:11).

Every Christian wife knows her areas of weakness and failure. I have mine; you have yours. Let God cultivate in you the grace of humility. Be quick to apologize and acknowledge your failures. Go the second mile.

One more thing: People have the idea that godly women do not believe in adornment. Actually we do; it’s just not the kind of adornment the world is talking about. “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning . . .; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:3–4). Forget the ornaments with great price tags; chose the ornament of great price! God will love it, and your husband will too. How happy is the husband, and how blessed is the home, where the wife is adorned with a meek and quiet spirit for God’s glory.

This is my prayer for you.

With her head bowed and tears in her eyes, Ruth prayed, “Dear Lord, I commit myself to being, with Your enabling grace, a wife for Your glory.”

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