Divorce is very common today. According to statistics, a large percentage of marriages end in divorce. Many people are married the second, third, or even more times. Most of us recognize that this is not desirable. We believe that it is God’s will for husband and wife to live together in harmony for life. But what if it isn’t that way? What if the couple simply doesn’t get along - are not “compatible”? What if they are always fighting? We recognize that if a husband and wife refuse to love each other, they are already breaking their marriage vow in which they vowed before God to love each other unconditionally until death. In this case wouldn’t it be better for the sake of all concerned, especially the children, if they would simply separate and possibly sometime find someone more compatible, someone with whom they are not constantly clashing?

Is it sin to divorce and remarry?

As with many questions that perplex us, God gives us direct answers to the divorce question in the Bible - if we will accept His Word:

“When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give [it] in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's [wife].” (Deut. 24:1-2)

As we can see, God gave some clear direction here. He did make provision for divorce and remarriage in some situations. He allowed it in this passage.

We notice however, that this passage is in the Old Testament. It was part of the law that God gave to the Jews through Moses. But we aren’t Old Testament Jews. We are no more under the Old Testament law. God had promised that “another lawgiver” would someday appear- which is Jesus. The Old Testament that God had left Israel has been replaced by a New Testament which was put into effect when Jesus (the testator) died on the cross. When a new testament is made, it completely supersedes any earlier ones. When Jesus died on the cross, the veil of the temple was torn in half from the top to the bottom showing clearly that its time was past, there was no more purpose for it. The supreme sacrifice, which all the animal sacrifices foreshadowed, had now been offered. We do not need to keep all those hundreds of laws found in the books of Moses, because they are not for us. There has now been given another covenant, the New Testament, which is the Word of God to Christians as the Word of God to the Jews of old was the Old Testament. Christians obey God’s written Word to them just as they would obey it from His lips, for we recognize the same authority. Did God give any directions about divorce and remarriage in His New Testament as He did in the Old Testament? Yes He did. And it is no less plain and clear.

“And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away [his] wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put [her] away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same [matter]. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” (Mark 10:2-12)

Jesus here explains why Moses allowed divorce (for the hardness of their hearts). He explains that it was not originally that way from creation. He shows that the two become one flesh - they are no more two, but one flesh. He makes it clear that God has joined them together (marriage is a covenant for life and only expires at the death of a spouse), so it is not possible for man to put them asunder. What if they do? What if a man does put away his wife and marry another? Jesus said then he “committeth adultery.” He is living in the sin of adultery. Adultery is a sin committed against another’s spouse, (fornication by unmarried people is not adultery) so Jesus is saying that God still recognizes that first marriage and only the first marriage. The “bill of divorcement” does not separate them in God’s eyes, so any additional marriages are nothing other than “legalized” adultery - sin in God’s eyes.

It is interesting how the “knowledge of good and evil” that is implanted in our hearts works. In the passage above, we notice that the Pharisees asked Jesus this question to tempt Him. They wanted to get him to say something contrary to the law so they would have grounds to accuse Him. What made them think He would oppose the divorce law? Even though the law allowed it, there was the knowledge within them that it wasn’t right! The “moral law” that man received in the Garden of Eden didn’t allow it.

But can’t the sin of adultery be forgiven through the blood of Jesus, like any other sin? It certainly can. But like any other sin, it needs to be repented of and given up. God will not forgive the thief or murderer who has no intention of leaving his life of crime, regardless how much he cries for forgiveness. Jesus gives the power to save us from our sins, not save us in our sins. If we love our sins more than we love Jesus, we cannot expect to be saved. Someone living in the sin of adultery needs to give up the adulterous relationship before he can expect to be forgiven for the sin. Like many other sins, even though there is repentance, amendment of life and forgiveness, there is still a reaping of sorrow.

The inseparability of marriage is one of the most unpopular teachings in the Bible. Its unpopularity hasn’t only begun in modern times. John the Baptist was beheaded because he was willing to teach it even though he knew it was unpopular with Herod, who had married his brother Philip’s wife.

“For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife: for he had married her. For John had said unto Herod, It is not lawful for thee to have thy brother's wife. Therefore Herodias had a quarrel against him, and would have killed him; but she could not: For Herod feared John, knowing that he was a just man and an holy, and observed him; and when he heard him, he did many things, and heard him gladly.” (Mark 6:17:20)

Notice, Herod knew John was a just man, and he observed him, listened to him, and “did many things” that he taught - but not everything. At least one thing was too hard for him. He couldn’t give up his wife (or rather Philip’s wife). There are many Christians today who do “many things” the Bible teaches - but not everything. The difference is, they decide which of the Bible’s teachings they will accept. For the real disciple of Jesus, it is not he who will determine his beliefs and practices, but the Word of God is his total authority.

In John 8:1-11 we have the account of a woman who was caught in adultery and brought to Jesus. The question posed to Jesus was whether she should be stoned as in the Law of Moses. Jesus’ response showed, not that adultery is no longer a punishable sin, but that in His New Testament it would no longer be punishable by man’s hands (stoning). Adultery is a forgivable sin. As with any other sin, the sinner must repent and forsake the sin to remain in God’s favor. After repentance, to return to an adulterous relationship (divorced and remarried) is showing no repentance. God will not allow for this adulterous relationship, otherwise John the Baptist could have asked Herod to repent and still remain with his brother Philip’s wife.

Many Christians pacify their conscience with the thought that divorce and remarriage is an entirely legal relationship according to the laws of the country, and it is accepted by their church, so it can’t be a serious sin. Please remember, on the day of judgement it will be neither your country nor your church that will judge you. It will be the one who said that whoever puts away his wife and marries another commits adultery. “...Adulterers God will judge.” (Heb. 13:4) “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these, Adultery, fornication, uncleanness... of the which I tell you before as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Ga. 5:19-21) See also James 4:4, Mark 8:38 and Heb. 13:4. We can clearly see that the group that includes adulterers will have no place in heaven. As Christians we judge the sin - not the sinner. An adulterer can repent and change his ways. But without repentance and amendment of life, the path to heaven is closed according to God’s Word.

Romans 7:1-6 compares the relationship of the Jewish law to the Christian dispensation:  “Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband. So then if, while [her] husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

“If, while [her] husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress.” (Notice, it is not the marriage or ceremony that is adultery, but the fact that the first marriage is still binding in the sight of God makes the one that is married to “another man” an adulteress) The apostle here was writing to the early Christian church at Rome. Today, is she still “called an adulteress” by the Christian church? Are we influenced by our culture to the point that she is no more called an adulteress? The early church wasn’t. This epistle was written to the Romans. Divorce among Romans was very common at this time. Roman men and women often married four or five times. Tertullian, an early Christian, wrote of the heathen: “As for divorce, women long for it as though it were the natural consequence of marriage.”[i] Even among the Jews it was allowed by the law of Moses. That made no difference to the early Christian church. They were not followers of a culture, but of the New Testament of Jesus Christ.

Can God still recognize the Christian church of today as His church? If we conform to the customs and ideas of the world around us and determine right from wrong by the conservative society’s idea of right and wrong rather than by God’s word, can God still recognize us as His church? Is this supposed to be the same church that hundred years ago was suffering severe persecution, torture, death by burning, crucifixion, lions, etc. because they would not conform to the traditions and customs of those around them?

Isn’t there an “exception clause”?

We had quoted Jesus’ words concerning divorce and remarriage as recorded in the Gospel of Mark. We would like to quote it here according to Luke:

“Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.” (Luke 16:18)

It is also found twice in the Gospel of Matthew, first in the sermon on the mount:

“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” (Mat. 5:31-32)

Matthew also records the temptation by the Pharisees:

“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” (Mat. 19:3-9)

These two verses in Matthew are in agreement with the rest of the New Testament verses on the subject, with the exception of the clause “except it be for fornication.” The rest do not give any exception for divorce; does this one?

The first thing we need to keep in mind, is the Bible’s inerrancy. We cannot say that these two verses do not agree. We can’t say that the earlier quoted verses are right and these two wrong, nor can we say that these are right and all the others wrong. We must acknowledge that they are all 100% correct doctrinally, and it is our own understanding of them that is wrong. Let’s examine these verses.

We notice is that the exception does not say divorce, but “put away.” Isn’t all “putting away” divorce? For an answer, let’s look at another passage:

“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just [man], and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.” (Mat. 1:18-20)

In this passage we see that even though this was an espousal and not a marriage, Joseph was called Mary’s husband and Mary was called Joseph’s wife. Joseph’s plan was “to put her away privily.” Would this have been divorce? Not any more than breaking an engagement today would be divorce. But it was a Jewish custom to call the couple husband and wife when they were espoused. This practice goes back to Old Testament times. See, for instance Deuteronomy 22:23-24. Matthew was writing to a Jewish audience, while Mark and Luke were writing to Gentile audiences which had no such custom, so it was unnecessary for them to include this clause.

To help clarify this point, let’s look at the words used in the verses in question:

“Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery”

“That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery”

The Greek word that was translated as adultery is “moichao”. Its definition is: “to have unlawful intercourse with another’s wife.” It is never used in connection with the unmarried. The Greek word that was translated as fornication is “porneia.” Its definition is: “illicit sexual intercourse.” Without this clause, the Jews (to whom Matthew was writing) would have understood that they could not even break an engagement in the case of fornication before marriage. (Which was Joseph’s plan in Mat. 1:19.)

Let’s look at another explanation that would allow Matthew’s Gospel and the rest to be equally true. Perhaps when we read the verses in Matthew, we translate the exception to mean: “If your spouse commits fornication, you may put her away.” But the Bible doesn’t say that. It could just as easily be understood to mean: “You may separate from an adulterous marriage because it is fornication to continue.” In other words, if you are living in adultery because you have married a second wife while your first wife is still living, (whether divorced or not), this is an exception - it is not adultery to put her away, (in fact, it is continuing in adultery to not put her away.)

I would like to quote here from a second century Christian who seems to have held this view:

“Now that the Scripture counsels marriage, and allows no release from the union, is expressly contained in the law, ‘Thou shalt not put away thy wife, except for the cause of fornication;’ and as it regards fornication, the marriage of those separated while the other is alive.”[ii]

(For an Old Testament example of the Jews breaking marriages because they were unlawful for Jews, read Ezra chapter 10.)

What if a Christian is married to an unbeliever?

“...If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him... But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.” (1 Cor. 7:12-13,15)

Even though the marriage is bound in heaven, if an unbelieving spouse has left, the believer is not bound to force him to return, or perform all the normal duties of marriage (keeping house, providing materially, etc.) to the one that has left: “God has called us to Peace.” The verses before make it clear that in the case of separation like this, a Christian is to remain unmarried “But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:10) These few verses should answer the questions of those who were married before conversion or who have unbelieving husbands, or for those who were converted after divorce.

Are we as Christians expected to be willing to literally submit our lives to commandments such as this, in the case of an unbelieving spouse, or, if we are in a separated condition with children to support, to remain unmarried if it is not possible to return to a former spouse? What does God require of us? What does it take to be a disciple?

“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.” (Mat. 10:37-38)

“If any [man] come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple ... So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26,27,33)

For many people throughout history becoming a Christian was not easy. For some they knew that it meant death, banishment, estrangement from family etc. It can still be very difficult today, because it takes our all. It requires a total new life. A Christian cannot be a perpetual sinner. Although we, being human can all make mistakes, a Christian cannot live in sin or he is not a Christian. The apostle Paul wrote:

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?... Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” (Rom. 6:1-2,16)

If we can read the Bible and understand it, we need to believe it, and act on it, rather than keep circling around to see if we can find some verse that could be understood to cancel what we don’t like. This is not accepting the Bible’s inerrancy. James 1:22 reminds us: “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

Jesus didn’t promise an easy road for His disciples, but He did promise to go with us “even unto the end of the world.” (Mat. 28:20) Count the cost of discipleship. Count the cost, then look forward to the reward. Is it worth anything in this life? Can anything or anyone mean more to us than Christ? If so, we cannot be His disciples. Let us remember that at the end of this world, we will not be judged by the laws of our country, nor by the rulings of our church, nor by any man’s opinion as to what the Bible means, but by the Word of God.

[i] Tertullian “Apology” Chapter 6. [The Ante-Nicene Fathers. V. 3 P. 23]

[ii] Clement of Alexandria (153-217 A.D.) The Stromata, Book 2, Chapter 23, On Marriage. [The Ante-Nicene Fathers V. 2 P. 378] In reading the writings of Christians of the first centuries we find that none of them understood these Scriptures to mean that in this case divorce and remarriage were permissible. A few felt that it allowed divorce, but none allowed remarriage while the former spouse was living.

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English

Kantite Paj

7

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Glenn Wenger

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Weaverland Mennonite Publications

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Divòse ak Remarye

Fwaye Kretyen